And now, for something completely different…
By now, you might be tired of singing Happy Birthday while washing your hands. We’re here to help!
You may know some basic Twain quotes – “Golf is a good walk spoiled”, “be good and you will be lonesome,” “wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been”…etc. etc. 
Well, how about some salty Twain quotes that take approximately 20 seconds to read while you wash your hands? See another side of Twain AND keep your hands nice and clean!
…”he wasn’t a very heavy weight, intellectually. His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once.” – Excerpt from the novel A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court
(Twain’s views on the painting the Mona Lisa) “To me it was merely a serene and subdued face, and there an end. There might be more in it, but I could not find it. The complexion was bad; in fact, it was not even human; there are no people that color.” – Mark Twain
“Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.” – Mark Twain
“I hate the very name of opera – partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, and partly because I want to love it and can’t. {…} In America the opera is an affectation. The seeming love for [it] is a lie. Nine out of every 10 of the males are bored by it and five out of 10 women. Yet how they applaud, the ignorant liars!” – Mark Twain
“Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that you didn’t see him do it.”
– Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar
“A policeman in plain clothes is a man; in his uniform he is ten. Clothes and title are the most potent thing, the most formidable influence, in the earth. They move the human race to willing and spontaneous respect for the judge, the general, the admiral, the bishop, the ambassador, the frivolous earl, the idiot duke, the sultan, the king, the emperor. No great title is efficient without clothes to support it.” – Mark Twain
